"...pleasure from the thorns..."

rilo rocks

2010-01-18T12:56:00.000-08:00

check out indie-pop rockers rilo kiley's acoustic version of one of their best known songs, moneymaker.

jenny lewis, the band's lead vocalist, "strives to be vegan" and makes conscious decisions to eliminate animal products from her life (her self proclaimed weakness is cheese, namely havarti). an interview of lewis about her cooking and eating habits (as well as the habits of other indie rock stars) can be found at http://cookingwithrockstars.com/. she rocks, she's cute, and vegan (almost). word!

out,

~thorns

on the rag

2009-11-05T23:27:00.000-08:00

i'm on the rag. the black mountain rag, that is. some of you know that i've been infected by the bluegrass bug for years. when i lived in the bucolic shenandoah valley, fresh bluegrass wasn't hard to come by. now that i'm a colorado resident, i find myself lacking in good quality pickin' and grinnin' (despite the fact that the most famous yearly bluegrass festival is held in telluride). one of my only sources for the tinny treble trinity of banjo, mandolin, and guitar is a local band called Grass It Up. i first heard them several months ago at my absolute favorite watering hole, Trinity Brewery, and my bluegrass fever shot through the roof.

after hearing classics like "sittin' on top of the world" and "take me in your lifeboat," an awesome version of "stickshifts and safety belts" by CAKE, and the BEST rendition of "voodoo child" that i've ever heard, i knew i had to get in on the action. during a set break, i struck up a conversation with Grass It Up's main guitarist, Shannon Carr, and arranged for a lesson.

i've "played" guitar for about 15 years now but i'll be the first to admit that i don't play nearly as well as i should for having played for that long. i've always played by ear and by watching others and i don't practice as much as i should. that said, my first lesson went well. i've self-taught myself some bad habits but i didn't leave feeling like a total boob. i made a CD of artists i'd like to emulate and some tunes i'd like to learn and after listening to it, my instructor decided that my first lesson would revolve around doc watson's version of black mountain rag.

here are three somewhat divergent versions of black mountain rag for your listening pleasure. doc's version:

chet atkins' version:

and brian setzer's version:

*blisters and hand cramps ensue*

*sigh*,

~thorns

various and sundry wtf's

2009-11-04T22:43:00.000-08:00

every few months, it seems, i end up with a collection of pictures i've taken or collected. some are depictions of something i'd intended to blog about, some are just funny or strange, and some are just taken for this catch-all post. we'll begin with a trip to the asian market. like our friends at engrish.com have shown, having a laugh at someone else's failed grasp on english is fun. mmm...fish balls!

so many jokes to be made here. i digress.

vermont: new england's curry capitol.
try our other great flavor: go fuck yourself!

your favorite vegetable is now a dessert pop! also try our broccoli brittle and beet flavored toothpaste!

ok, ok...enough picking on the asians...especially when there's so much to make fun of everywhere else :-) how about these:

i mean, seriously. you're not THAT pressed for time. give your kid a normal bath like everyone else.

from the makers of ParanoidPals and FreneticFriends!
when your merken needs a lift, try merken spice! (yes, i know it's not spelled like that....relax)

man! who knew that sticker placement could be so important?

this is a children's coloring/drawing/workbook. in the upper left hand corner, the instructions read, "color only the things you like." enlarge this if you can and look at the items. wtf?!
wow. wtf kind of kids book IS this? incidentally, this page is easier if you're from baltimore.
for all of those times when you've needed to "instantly disguise" yourself as thomas jefferson.
finally you can sit on your couch watching TV in a blanket with sleeves AND express your "wild side." that IS wild!

and our final entry for today:

where do you fall?

until i have more time,

~thorns

p.s. i welcome your caption additions!

fighting back

2009-10-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

we've lived here in colorado springs long enough to know that the weather patterns here are schizophrenic (at best) and can lull you into short sleeves one minute only to cover you in snow the next but this past week has been one of the best examples of this area's meteorological mental illness i've ever seen. we were enjoying early fall temperatures last week and bundling in thermals and stocking caps only days later. in a matter of hours, we went from clear skies to a two day ice storm that resulted in 282 reported traffic collisions and practically paralyzed the city. (mostly because people are fucking idiots....but that'll be another post)

when the cold has forced you into floppy socks and sweatpants mode, what better way to fight back than with a big pot of homemade soup? this one came together pretty easily, was a good way to use up an acorn squash that had been lurking on the counter, and was REALLY good. when the days are cold and dreary, try this yet-unnamed soup to warm you up. (especially if a stubborn gourd is stalking you from the corner of the the kitchen)

veg

1 onion

2 ribs celery

2 med carrots

1 leek

3 cloves garlic

1 acorn squash

4-5 stems chard or other dark leafy green

protein

10 oz. vegan sausage analogue (or sausage if you MUST)

2 cans white cannelini beans (drained)

broth

3C organic vegetable broth

2C water

1.5t ethiopian berbere seasoning

2 star anise pods

2 bay leaves

8 juniper berries (if you have them)

1t dried thyme

salt and pepper

olive oil

method

brown crumbled sausage in olive oil in dutch oven or large pot. remove from pan.

peel, seed, chop, and blanch that creepy acorn squash. 1/2 inch cubes worked for me.

chop your mirepoix however you'd like. 1/4 inch dice worked nicely.

sweat leeks, onions, carrots, celery, and garlic in olive oil until translucent and "melted."

add berbere seasoning, star anise, bay, and thyme.

add broth, water, beans, sausage, and squash.

bring to boil, put on lid, drop to med-low for an hour.

chop chard, throw in pot, lid, simmer for another 15 mins.

remove anise pods and bay leaves.

eat warm soup with crusty bread.

grin smugly.

notes

you could use other meats but the subtle spicy sage notes of the sausage really elevate this dish.

the anise is the real star here and it does so in the most brilliantly unobtrusive way. don't skip it.

you can add the constituent spices in the berbere seasoning in smaller amounts if you don't have it.

the juniper berries are nice but not essential.

don't be a sissy with the pepper.

happy souping,

~thorns

p.s. i'm taking suggestions for names for this awesome soup :-)

"living off the fatta' the lan'" - the next generation

2009-09-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

when last we spoke, my garden was in it's infancy. spring lettuces were young and tender, tomato plants had just been nestled in the earth, and the potatoes had not yet been planted. after three beautiful months of colorado summer, things look quite different. the broccoli, cabbage, and lettuces have now all been harvested, the tomatoes (as you'll see) are downright prolific, the herbs have all taken off, and the legumes, potatoes, and carrots have flourished.

pictured left: legume patch - purple bush beans, sugar snap peas, broad beans, and one ornamental gourd for good measure.

pictured right: first of the "purple haze" carrots.

pictured below: harvest of "kennebec white" and "purple peruvian" potatoes.

while i'm truly proud of ALL of the offerings from my very first garden, it's the TOMATOES that have really impressed me this year. in what i've been told had been a "bad tomato year" here in colorado springs, our 12 tomato varieties have surpassed anything we could have hoped for. we've enjoyed tiny, sweet, juicy orange "sun sugar," pointy pink "sugary," mild but tangy "green zebras," plump and rich "black cherry," mild and bright "lemon boy," and the complex, intense, sexy "black from tula." the others (including "pineapple," "brandywine red," "lisa king," and "mortgage lifter") haven't fully ripened yet but all are bearing promising fruit.

because a picture is said to be worth a thousand words and because formatting text and pictures with Blogger is such a pain in the ass, here are some pictures of our produce bounty:

it was daunting at first and i still have TONS to learn, but this gardening year has already been more rewarding than i could have imagined. we're living on less than half an acre here (much of which is not plantable) and i think we've really gotten a lot out of what little area we have planted. i'm learning more every day and i just set some seed today for fall harvests of parsley, arugula, leaf lettuces, collards, broccoli, and spinach.

i'd eventually like to get to something much more organized, calculated, and productive (like a system reasonably close to what the Dervaes family has accomplished) but, for our first year gardening here, i could scarcely be happier.

gardening, like i've preached about in my previous vegan-hippie-tree-hugger posts, is another way YOU, yes, YOU can take a step toward self-sufficiency and away from the commercial food machine. dirt is cheap, seeds are cheap, water is relatively cheap (and sometimes free!), sunlight is free. homegrown food is fresher, more nutritious, tastier, cheaper, and more fun than what you'll find at the store. here is the Dervaes family to get you inspired:

there are tons of online resources, and, for you neo-Luddites out there, your local library is sure to have enough info to get you started growing on your own. take a chance - throw some seeds in the ground. you might be surprised at how much fun (and food) you get out of it.

greenly,

~thorny appleseed

2009-09-01T13:28:00.001-07:00

Looks like it worked! Yay technology!

a test and an update

2009-09-01T13:25:00.001-07:00

a test and a tiny update: i've just enabled mobile blogging from my cell and i'm hoping this makes it through space and lands where it's supposed to. that covered, this little guy is the first product from the zucchini plant that volunteered in our compost bin. i know i have been woefully remiss in my updates and i hope that this new mobile blogging capability will help remedy that ...at least a little bit. later, ~thorns

cake for dinner

2009-07-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

this one goes out to all you naysayers out there :-) i know it's hard for some to believe that one can have a fulfilling food life without the inclusion of animal products but here is the proof that such fulfillment can be attained!

mountain mama natural foods is a local family-operated natural food store located just up the hill from our house. about a month ago, we started noticing that their in-house bakery was putting out vegan, gluten-free cakes. our first thought was: how good can a vegan, gluten-free cake be? our second thought (after trying a piece) was: where has this cake been all my life? my third thought: is it possible to legally marry a piece of cake? people, this cake was out-freakin'-standing. how good? well here is a picture of it:

i felt so bad for eating it all without sharing with you guys that i HAD to get another piece just to show you. so here is the second, yet-to-be-eaten version:
it is chocolate cake with peanut butter cream icing made from freshly ground peanut butter and other magical ingredients. Kendra is the bakery magician and i'm sure she sold her soul at a dusty crossroads somewhere to be able to do what she does with vegan and gluten-free ingredients. we liked the cake so much that we ordered a whole one for our anniversary. here's what we got...heaven in a pastry box:
besides the peanut butter version shown here, she's done chocolate-cherry, chocolate-orange, raspberry, mocha, and a couple others. all were amazing and i challenge ANYONE to be able to tell that it's made without animal products. for those of you reading from afar, i wish i could send you some of this amazing stuff. for those here in the springs, go see Kendra for your own piece...it'll change your world!

hiding the scales and mirrors,

~thorns

unplug yourself: part two

2009-07-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

over a year ago, i extolled the virtues of investing in your health by educating yourself and examining the sources of the food you eat. the essential message was to take off the blinders that commercial food producers force on us through advertising, media, etc., and to seek better, more sustainable food sources. if you missed part one, shame on you but here it is once again.

barbara kingsolver, in her book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, chronicles her family's year-long pledge to eat things they grew on their farm, could trade their home grown items for, or could get from other homesteaders in their community. one cue that i took from the kingsolvers is to abide by the tenet of eating SLOWly, a philosophy that has been acronymed as Seasonal, Local, Organic, and Whole. in doing so, i strive to unplug from the frenzy of commercial grocery purveyors and choose to patronize the community-supported food chain from days of old...the food chain of our grandparents... the food chain i'm glad to see being revived.

one of the best ways i've found to participate in that revival is to purchase a share in a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) farm. farmers who sell to large supermarkets traditionally get a woefully small percentage on the dollar from the sale of the produce they grow. as such, if they experience a bad crop year, they're seldom able to mitigate that hardship and survive til the next year. with the purchase of a share, you are assured that ALL of the dollar goes to them and you share in the bounty (or lack thereof) that their hard work yields. this year, we chose the Greenhorn Acres Farm. for the cost of our share we get 26 weeks of fresh produce that was organically grown and picked fresh by caring hands. the variety is inspiring, the freshness is unbeatable, and having met the family that works the land and tends the plants makes it even more rewarding.

this is the typical share basket we collect each week.

there's a head of beautiful crisp lettuce, swiss chard, chiogga beets, pattypan and ball zucchini, fava beans, and english peas. with the two latter treats, i took inspiration from jamie oliver's recipe for "posh beans on toast" which another blogger transcribed for our convenience. it was incredibly fresh and really delicious. the mystery of the weekly bag's unknown contents really lends to inspired cooking and forces one to eat or preserve what the earth provides when she provides it. i've experimented a little with canning and pickling and expect a lot more in my near future. good thing i got this book as an father's day present this year :-)

so, again, i'm not preaching but inviting you to find a CSA near you or at the very least visit a weekly farmers market and directly support the people who take the time and put forth the effort to grow our food. you'll be rewarded with fresher, tastier, more nutrient-rich food that was honestly grown and lovingly harvested for you. you'll be glad you did.

organically,

~thorns

"living off the fatta' the lan'"

2009-06-10T22:41:00.000-07:00

my grandfather was a phenomenal farmer. every year he had fantastic, wildly productive gardens and orchards that provided food for our table and the tables of friends and neighbors as well. i've often hyperbolized the green-ness of his thumb by saying that he could plant a set of keys and grow a Buick but it wouldn't surprise me if he'd actually done it. i was only 12 years old when he died and i never got a chance to really learn what he knew about how to make things grow but i've been learning all i can, jamming things in the dirt, and tending to them like i know Pa would have.

these are pictures of what the yard looked like when we bought the house back in november. i'm told that a previous owner once had beautiful flower gardens but they'd been left unattended for about 10 years and had gotten badly overgrown with noxious weeds and elm saplings.

after lots of time and labor, here's the transformation..

the 5 raised beds are vegetable beds and the wedge-shaped bed is the herb garden.

today marks one month in the ground and we've already begun to enjoy our garden's offerings. we've had fresh broccoli, wonderful fresh salads, and beautiful "china flash" cabbage.

our complete produce lineup so far is: cabbage, broccoli, mesclun mix, lettuce mix, purple peruvian potatoes, kennebec white potatoes, 12 varieties of tomatoes, onions, garlic, purple haze carrots, thai basil, purple basil, regular basil, salad burnette, oregano, rosemary, orange rocket thyme, lemon thyme, traditional thyme, chives, garlic chives, lavender, spearmint, peppermint, chocolate mint, pineapple mint, strawberries, purple bush beans, broadbeans, ornamental gourds, sugar snap peas, snow peas, one watermelon plant, and one beautiful dwarf elberta peach tree.

i'm learning more every day, enjoying the fruits (and vegetables) of my labor, and trying to make Pa proud :-)

updates to come,

~thorns

the world may never be the same.....part 2

2009-06-04T02:47:00.000-07:00

upon my first post on the subject of my developing progeny, "the bean" was really no bigger than, well, a bean. now, after 20 weeks of stewing, the bean is now a titan 11 ounces and appears to be a healthy, rapidly growing.....wait for it.....wait for it.....BOY!

more baby news as it develops :-)

already a proud daddy,
~thorns

the thin blue line

2009-05-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

memorial day. a day set aside to commemorate the men and women who have given their lives in defense of our country. while the commonly observed U.S. memorial day memorializes soldiers, sailors, airmen, marines, and other members of the U.S. military who have fought and died for the freedoms we enjoy, another yearly day of memorial is celebrated by the hundreds of thousands of warriors who go to war HERE every day to uphold and protect those same freedoms.

may 15th is national peace officer memorial day and is a day when the 800,000 U.S. law enforcement officers (and countless others from foreign agencies) honor those among us who have served and fallen. each year, the NLEOMF (National Law Enforcement Memorial Fund) sponsors a week of activities, ceremonies, and seminars, commonly called "Police Week," in washington, d.c. which focuses on the fallen officers, their families, and their coworkers.

for me, the police fraternity has supplanted (for the most part) my own biological family and my emotions and loyalties run deep with what has come to be known as "the blue brotherhood." each year since i became a police officer (way back in 2003) i have made the trek to the national memorial in d.c. and have paid my respects to my fallen brothers and sisters. last year was the first time in 6 years that i didn't get to go (because i was in another academy here in the springs) and it hurt me deeply to have to miss it. fortunately, the stars aligned this year and i made it back east for at least part of the festivities.

i selflessly braved sleep deprivation and alcohol poisoning to make it there and back in a 4 day window but i reunited once again with my east coast colleagues and likewise with the spirit of the memorial week. it's a great time. in a lot of ways, it's like a week-long wake. there's camaraderie, sharing of stories, bearing of secrets, purging of guilts, and lots and lots of the police officer's stress reliever of choice, alcohol. sparing the gory details....it's always a bittersweet event for me. i always leave there with a better understanding of the job we do and of myself in general. i get intensely emotional (even now as i write this) and really connect with that intangible link that joins all police officers as family.

the one event that especially wrecks me every year is the candlelight vigil. the family metaphor is punctuated by the hundreds of officers standing shoulder to shoulder around the fallen officer's memorial sharing the flame from a central candle lighted in remembrance of officers killed in the line of duty and the observance of a bright blue laser beam cast skyward representing "the thin blue line" that all members of the police profession comprise. i'm going to need a moment....talk amongst yourselves....

for ALL of the warriors who have fought and fallen...

shedding a tear,

~thorns

on easy decisions

2009-05-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

amidst all the weighty things we routinely have to toil over from day to day, every once in a while we get to enjoy the respite of a truly easy decision. i was recently visited by two such easy choices. the first came after i hastily pledged to my lady friend that i would abstain from alcoholic beverages for the entire duration of her pregnancy/nursing. (clearly a case of my chivalry galloping off with my logic before i could do the math that it would be almost two years without beer!) the problem is that there were several bottles of unique microbrews including Rogue's Hazelnut Nectar and Dogfish Head's Raison D'Etre still left in the fridge from before i learned of our impending critter. so here's the easy decision: my aforementioned lady friend said, "you'll have to drink them or give them away." i tried not to knock her over getting to the bottle opener.
the other easy decision spawned from my recent research regarding vegan-friendly fast food places. through various vegan blogs and forums on the web, i learned that certain configurations of ingredients at both little caesar's and papa john's will render them vegan-friendly. so a couple weeks ago on a snowy thursday, i had to make the choice...still true to PJ's after all these years :-)

hoping YOU get some easy ones soon too,

~thorns

****update****

i've already broken my no-alcohol pledge...badly. progress, not perfection *sheepish grin*

the world may never be the same....mine certainly won't

2009-05-20T02:00:00.000-07:00

that, folks, is a bean. this is a picture of a 6 week old bean in my lady-friend's belly that i helped create (on purpose even!). first seeing those fateful litmus lines and then hearing the doctor confirm, "yep, it's in there.," brought my world skidding to a standstill and simultaneously kicked it into an exponentially higher gear.

what happens now? according to every parent out there, life changes. now that i've had about three months to get used to the idea of being a father, i've started to really contemplate what it actually means to be a parent and ponder exactly HOW this little peanut is going to change me and us.

will i be more mature (i sure hope not!)? will we be better with our finances? will i learn to iron properly? will i acquire those mysterious "dad" skills like being able to pull coins out of ears, untying any conceivable knot, making skinned knees less painful, deftly pulling splinters from careless appendages, making the best weekend-morning breakfasts, and knowing the answer for every possible question? will i be able to tone down my potty-mouth? will mama and i be more steadfast and united with things like cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and baby-related chores? will i learn any magic tricks? what songs will i lean to play on the guitar to pacify the little monster? will we be able to find a Punisher t-shirt for the baby? what is an appropriate age for baby's first tattoo? will my juggling skills improve? will i be able to find a diaper bag that holds all the baby's accoutrements AND my pistol?

the coming months will undoubtedly hold many more questions but i'm really comfortable with the laissez-faire approach and learn-as-we-go outlook that mama and i have. i'm sure the structure will build itself as necessary and that despite it all, our little person will be twice as incorrigible as mama and myself :-)

i'm already swelling with love and pride and joy and hope and excitement and a zillion other emotions that are growing in strength, depth, and complexity every day and i can scarcely wait to pour all those feelings out on our little bean.

i welcome all perspectives and comments and advice and will do my best to keep you posted as the due date approaches. in the meantime, i've got songs to learn and magic tricks to practice...

~thorns

natural selection is shitty sometimes

2009-05-05T04:33:00.001-07:00

y'all know that i try not to bring things from my work life here into the blogosphere but sometimes things are just too good to pass up. one such monumentally stupid thing occurred and i had to share with you.

i was sent to the hospital to meet with a man who had been at a party and had ingested a caustic liquid at the urging of other partygoers. this unfortunate soul was dared to drink a shot glass of ammonia and, as any self-respecting reveler would, he did it.

i was speaking with the attending ER doc who was explaining the procedure for putting this humpty dumb-ass back together again and learned that they were going to have to remove most of the patient's esophagus and replace it with a section of his colon. then, with an emotionless delivery, the doctor said candidly, "That guy's breath is going to smell like shit for the rest of his life." thinking he was joking, i laughed. the doctor turned to me and said, with that same deadpan delivery, "That wasn't a joke."

awesome.

and in other potty-humour relating to survival-of-the-fittest...

i told you natural selection was shitty,

~thorns

self hatred

2009-04-18T03:14:00.000-07:00

so a local radio station is doing a "retro" weekend. their goal is to play every wretched, loathsome, mainstream pop song "from the 70's and 80's" and it's really bumming me out. why don't i just change the channel? y'see, that's what's bumming me out...i can't. no matter how much i try not to or how much i want to hit myself in the head with a ball-peen hammer after the fact, there are some songs from my childhood i can't help but sing/hum/whistle/dance to when i hear them. YOU try being happy with YOURself when you're standing in line somewhere tapping your foot and bobbing your head like an idiot to "loveshack" or whistling the chorus to mariah carey's "dreamlover." disgusting.

what song are YOU guilty of bouncing to? i'd like to know...partly because i'm just curious and partly because i don't want to feel like the only degenerate loser out here.

off to try my hand at a self-inflicted lobotomy,

~thorns

never too old to learn

2009-03-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

ten years ago during my college days in the idyllic shenandoah valley, i began to delve into the murky process of self-discovery and other such nebulous therap-ese terms all rooted in understanding oneself. as part of that journey, i discovered the teachings (preachings) of bill phillips. phillips, a former steroid driven bodybuilding champion turned motivational speaker/personal trainer/entrepreneur, wrote several books including his most widely published Body for Life. i was captivated by the "you can do it" tenets of the BFL program and impressed by the way phillips incited the reader to act with his "let your progress be the reward" encouragements.

the thing that has stuck with me the most from that book is the types of "vision" that phillips outlines; historical, present, and future. phillips professes that folks who allow historical vision to dominate their thoughts believe that everything good or important in their lives has already past and they often dwell on the way things "used to be." these people often see themselves as the person they were back in the "good old days" and don't realize how far they've let themselves slide from that image.

the reason all of that nonsense is important is that, of late, i've become that slug with historical vision...at least where my fitness is concerned. those of you who know me (AKA, the only people who read this blog) know, at least in part, what amazing things i "used to" be able to do. well, kids...i'm here to tell ya that the mighty has certainly fallen and the thing that has brought this sharply into focus for me was my first parkour class. i enrolled in a 5 week program at a gym in denver and today's class focused on the exercises needed to build a body fit for parkour-specific activities. we did pushups, dips, situps, rolls, falls, and quadrupedal movement and they were all a slap in the face that reminded me (in a frightening, but good, way) that i'm far from my strong, limber, active, injury-free high school and college days.

i'm ashamed but rejuvenated and determined to heal myself, strengthen myself, better myself, and eventually be able keep pace with these parkour practitioners:

i'll end with some brilliant, timeless advice passed along to me years ago by a tai chi master. i try to keep these words in mind when i start moving too fast for my own good and find myself in need of a little grounding.

1. know yourself
2. do your best
3. don't overdo it
4. make a little progress every day

stay tuned for the updates,

~thorns

p.s. - i'll ship you my copy of Body for Life if anyone wants to borrow it....as long as you don't mind the highlighting and margin notes :-)

how do they know!?

2009-03-04T12:01:00.000-08:00

one look at my junkmail inbox and it becomes clear that the omnipotent spam gods have looked straight into my soul and have sent me just the email i need to make my life complete again.

one example of their clairvoyance comes (every f'n day) in the form of career guidance. the four choices that have been laid out tarot-like for me are "Advance Your Career today with a Teaching Degree," "Earn Your Nursing Degree Today," "Make More $ Today as a Stay at Home Mom," and the one every day from Michael Vincent which proudly boasts, "I found you a new job." thanks for your diligence, Michael.

the next area where the gods shine is suggesting ways to improve my financial life. according to them, i'm apparently simultaneously facing foreclosure, currently in foreclosure, and looking for foreclosed home and they've sent me no shortage of emails to help me ameliorate all three conditions. this may be due in part to me not taking advantage of my "Totally Free Credit Report #256896643" or not heeding the advice given in such classics as , "Legally Erase Your Debt!"

lastly, the all-knowing ones are keenly aware of my romantic needs and subtly let me know daily that there are "Singles Wanted," and "Daters Wanted," in my area and i can "Email and Chat FREE" with them. if those solicitations weren't enticing enough, they've gone a step further and encouraged me not only to date but to "Find the One." they've also enlisted the help of someone named Li.N who targeted me specifically and sent me an email saying that she is "looking for an old fashoined honest descent man." i'll forgive the misspelling of fashioned but what is a "descent man?" i can only imagine it's a man who goes down. mistake or clever marketing? hrmmm.

perhaps my failures in the romantic realm can be attributed to wrinkles because i've been getting hints from the gods - "Best Anti-aging pill EVER! As seen on TV." guess all that moisturizing i do hasn't helped. well...at least they're finally happy with my penis size. but they are still concerned that i'm paying too much for printer ink and toner. it's a give and take, i suppose.

what are the gods saying to YOU these days?

~thorns

another vegan triumph

2009-02-21T18:12:00.000-08:00

so tonight was my first attempt at risotto and i have two confessions to make up front. the first is that it wasn't really a true risotto as i used orzo instead of rice. the second is that i cannibalized the recipe from my favorite food blog, VeganDad. soul-bearing out of the way, i must say that it was awesome. i took some liberties in the preparation that i think make it sing.

my version:

1C orzo
2t olive oil
1/4 diced onion
2T nutritional yeast
1 clove garlic minced
2T butter (vegan butter)
2.5C vegetable broth (hot)
1/4t dried thyme (1/2t fresh)
1C red wine (i used Yellowtail Merlot)
handful of broccoli florets (blanched)

1. boil orzo in salted water for about 5 minutes. strain. reserve.
2. saute onion and garlic in olive oil until they just begin to brown.
3. add butter and orzo, coat thoroughly.
4. stir in wine and thyme over low/med heat until completely absorbed.
5. add one ladle of hot broth, stir continuously until absorbed. repeat until orzo is al dente.
6. add nutritional yeast, broccoli, and a splash more of the wine. cook 5-10 more minutes.
7. salt/pepper to taste. eat. grin smugly. gloat when possible.

it was so good. i'd happily put it up against anything you'd find in a restaurant, vegan or non. it was well worth the toil and i just wish you could have had some.

~thorns

**really...it was THAT good

for a limited time only!

2009-02-18T18:32:00.000-08:00

those of you who know me remember my short-lived but glorious mohawk a couple years back. unfortunately, society's preconceived notions, "workplace standards" and the need to maintain a "professional appearance" dashed my punk hairdo reverie and i was forced to shave it. well, folks, sticking it to the man again for a very limited time only, is the 'hawk '09.

rock on,

~thorns

death of a salesman...kinda

2009-02-14T07:11:00.000-08:00

it's not the death of the salesman that i'm bemoaning so much as the death of salesmanSHIP and the ethos thereof. anymore, it seems like customer service is a dying facet of the consumer-purveyor relationship and any genuine concern for customer satisfaction is becoming woefully uncommon. a few recent interactions have brought this phenomenon sharply into focus.

picture it...you're in ocean city, maryland, your bare feet are stinging from the cold wet sand and you've just watched the sun rise with your significant other on an early spring morning. you walk along the deserted storefronts and find a lone cafe advertising the best breakfast on the boardwalk. cold and hungry you walk in and are greeted by the hostess. "g'morning. come on in and sit anywhere you'd like." she invites you in and gestures with a sweeping arm stroke to the empty, expansive dining room. you and your squeeze head for a secluded corner to enjoy your meal somewhat privately. the hostess comes over and advises that "we're not serving this area this morning, you'll have to move over there." what? how is our table not included in "anywhere you'd like?"

at another restaurant you are greeted by the brace-laden smile of the teenage hostess who asks, "two for dinner? bar or dining room? smoking or non?" you affirm that there will be two for dinner, dining room would be great, and non-smoking would be ideal. she says (i kid you not), "we don't have a non-smoking section." how do you offer non-smoking if you don't even have it? wtf?!

recently i called a bank to close several accounts. i asked the customer service rep how best to close my accounts and to transfer my balance to my account here at my new bank. she said to do it online and advised that there would be a $3 fee for the transfer. i asked if it would come off the top when i transferred or if i needed to leave $3 in the pot to cover the fee. she said it would come off automatically and that i needn't worry. i did as instructed and, predictably, got zapped with $55 in assorted penalties for overdrawing by $3. i called back to explain the error and they said "there's nothing we can do because it's already done." they said that i "should have been aware of the fee." i explained that i WAS aware of the fee and that i had sought the counsel of a bank employee to address it properly. that employee advised me incorrectly and i got spanked. "i do apologize, sir, but there's nothing we can do about it." that snotty bitch ended up hanging up on me so i called back and got the same treatment from another rep. "there's nothing we can do, sir," she condescended.

lastly...i called the nissan dealership and made an appointment to have the oil changed in my truck. my appointment was for 3 pm and i got there to drop off my truck at 3:03. i stood in line until 3:51 before anyone even acknowledged my presence and then they took my info and my key and took my truck to be serviced. the guy said it would be about an hour and that they would call me when it was done. three hours later, i called and asked about the truck and was told, "oh...yeah...it's been done for a while but i just forgot to call." i asked if i could come get the truck was met with, "oh, no, the service center is closed for the night. sorry about that. guess these things just happen sometimes."

yeah, these things just happen sometimes, but it seems like they're happening with more and more frequency and it's pissing me off. are employer expectations so low that workmanship or just plain ol' courtesy (hell, i'll settle for competency) are no longer job requirements? i have half a dozen other recent stories but they all belabor the same point...customer service is dead.

share YOUR latest example or even offer one that contradicts, i'm all ears.

~thorns

for the foodies...and also for people who eat

2009-01-19T21:21:00.000-08:00

i know not all 5 of you that read my blog (wishful thinking, i know) are foodies but i know that all of you eat. for those of you that aren't food-o-philes, the video posted below is a quick and easy way to make a decent meal that doesn't involve processed crap. for those of you that are a bit more culinarily inclined, it's one chef's take on a deconstructed eggplant parmesan. deconstructed dishes seem to be popular these days and this one is as simple as it gets.

mise en place aside, the cooking of this dish takes one minute and uses few and easy to assemble ingredients. any chef'll tell you that the key to a good dish is simple, fresh, thoughtfully assembled ingredients and though i haven't made this one yet (it ain't eggplant season), it looks pretty awesome.

*disclaimer: i don't condone the cream and cheese used in this recipe and i will certainly substitute the appropriate animal-free product when the time comes....but you can do whatever you want :-)*

~thorns

making new friends: a tutorial anecdote

2009-01-18T00:02:00.000-08:00

the set-up
most dog-training texts will tell you that just before you leave a dog by itself, you should give it some kind of command. this command (stay, sit, lay down, etc.) allegedly puts the dog in an obedient frame of mind and discourages self-indulgent destructive behavior. as the experts recommend, upon parting, i try to leave my pups with a command in hopes that our stuff wont be destroyed while when i return. i use this technique in the car as well. when i'm running errands and the mutts are tagging along, i tell them to "stay" in the car just before i shut the door and walk away. i also usually glance back at the dogs as i'm walking away and put my hand up in a mime-like fashion as if i'm visually reaffirming the "stay" command. *this becomes important in a second*

the story
one day recently i went to a used bookstore not far from home and took the dogs along with me. as i've just explained, i commanded the dogs to "stay" and walked toward the door of the store. i mounted the step just in front of the bookstore's entryway and reached for the door handle. as i was reaching for the door, i turned my head momentarily back toward the dogs to issue the customary final silent command.

the clincher
unbeknownst to me, an older lady was coming out of the bookstore at the very same moment and by some serendipitous combination of the height of my reaching hand, her slight stature, and our mutual preoccupations, my outstretched appendage found not the cold aluminum of the door handle but landed squarely in the center of her....cleavage. it was not a glancing blow or anything that could have been ignored at all. in fact, i doubt i could have done better if i'd bought her dinner beforehand. we exchanged wordless blushing horrified half-smiles and both promptly put our heads down and continued on our respective ways never to mention it again...unless you have a blog.

so to all you socially inept folks out there who have been looking for a good way to meet new people, try the ol' reach-for-the-door-handle-and-look-the-other-way technique. works every time.

cheers,

thorns

the cure for what ails ya

2009-01-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

today we celebrate one year of colorado residency and only now are we truly adjusting to the temperamental and rapidly changing weather patterns here. we're starting to realize that when it's sunny and 65 degrees in january one day, we're sure to be battered by frigid winds and fluffy snow the very next. it is on these bone-biting days when nothing will do to warm and comfort but a bowl of steaming, savory, flavorful soup. our faithful standby to fight the chill is a veganized pho (pronounced "fuh") recipe that will beat back the heartiest cold or flu or just thaw your insides. without further ado:

4 cups vegetable broth

1/2 cup water

1T soy sauce

2 star anise

2 clove

3" cinnamon stick

4 cloves of garlic (smashed)

1/2 inch chunk of peeled ginger (chunked)

1 lime

1/2 lb thin-to-medium rice noodles

3 scallions (finely sliced)

2 thai chiles or other spicy chile (chopped finely)

1/2 lb bean sprouts

handful of chopped cilantro

slightly smaller handful ripped thai basil leaves

simmer the vegetable broth, water, soy sauce, garlic, ginger, cloves, cinnamon, and star anise in a medium sauce pan for about half an hour to create the rich flavorful broth. prepare the rice noodles according to package directions (usually involving a quick dunk in boiling water). when the noodles are just-tender (don't cook 'em to mush), rinse them with water until the water runs clear, then drain. pile into nice big bowls, squeeze half the lime into the broth, and pour the hot broth over the noodles. top generously with the scallions, chiles, bean sprouts, cilantro, and basil. garnish with hoisin sauce and the lime wedges for a final dash of brightness.

it's easy, it's cheap, it's aromatic, it's supremely comforting, and...well...just plain transcendent. don't be afraid. go to your local asian (preferably vietnamese) market, get your fixin's, and go pho yourself!

cheers,

thorns

in a vegan pickle

2009-01-06T23:03:00.000-08:00

DVR = digital video recorder. device which records pre-selected offerings from our Direct TV service and saves them for endless frittering away of time that i should spend doing something productive. the thing'll hold a lot but, as with any storage system, old stuff needs to be cleared to make way for new. it's this task that i've grown exceptionally good at of late (and she says i never clean...ha!) and when i have my "cleaning" sessions, it's usually a show about food.

as any foodie will tell you, there is the normal pedestrian cooking drivel (rachel ray, sandra lee, guy fieri, etc.) and there are the standouts who haven't sacrificed their culinary integrity for the machine. these culinarians, namely jamie oliver and gordon ramsay, whose shows i have been watching, exhibit simultaneously complementing and contrasting elements (like any successful dish) and have re-ignited my love of and quest for gastronomical knowledge. gordon's curt and abrasive language and demanding kitchen codeare the perfect foil for jamie's endearing common english brogue and laid-back rustic cooking style.

now comes the pickle (pun fully intended). i've long wanted to go to some kind of culinary school and am feeling that tug pretty strongly now. my problem is that i'll surely have to renounce my vegan ways to follow the curriculum at any traditional school and actualize my dream of having my own restaurant. **yes i know i could open a vegan restaurant (and would LOVE to) but to work my way up to that level, i'm certain i'll have to do my time in non-vegan kitchens** in the immortal words of pooh, "oh, bother."

i'm constantly reading cookbooks, poring over various media on gastronomy, and collecting ideas for a vegan SLOW food place (on-premise/locally grown produce, international menu selections, composting, all organic food, etc) but i can scarcely get around the fact that i'll have to walk a non-vegan path to get there.

what say you? please share your thoughts. send a link to this post to your foodie friends and ask them to weigh in. in the meantime, if you want to expand YOUR vegan cooking repertoire, check out a couple of my other favorite blogs, Vegan Dad and Everyday Dish.

cheers,

~thorns

punished again by the computer gods

2008-12-15T01:42:00.000-08:00

woe, woe, woe is me. despite the latest in virus scan software, we've again been stricken down by the vindictive computer fairies...or as i like to call them, Dellions. we pledged to dutifully back up all of our data to disc since our last crash to avoid the heartache of lost songs and pictures but we procrastinated and are now facing our second rebuild since we got the computer last year. *grumbling*

as i don't have computer access at home, the blogging is gonna be sparse (more so than usual) until we're back up and running.

until such time as i can post again, i'll leave you with my latest idea for an invention. i don't yet have the wherewithal to actually produce this item but when i do, it'll make me a gazillion dollars, i just know it. you ready? ok...here it is: edible produce stickers.

i know how infuriating it is to scratch and pick at those tiny stickers (not to mention fishing them from between the blades of a peeler) and my new edible stickers will end that hassle forever! the adhesive currently used to hold those stickers on is already listed as "food grade" so i figure that all we have to do is find a suitable edible sticker material.

think on it....

~thorns

back in the game

2008-11-20T23:29:00.000-08:00

i've scarcely been able to find a free moment here of late and blogging seems to get pushed to the bottom of the never ending to-do list but i'm back and hope to catch you all up in the coming days on what's been going on.

first, though, i need to purge my "ooh-i'm-gonna-blog-about-that!" coffer that i've been filling over the past couple of weeks. when i'm out and about and see things that strike me as particularly droll and/or blogworthy, i try to snap a quick picture with my phone and i have a few gems that have been begging for display. and away we go...

here in the springs, there is a great little auction house that holds auctions every saturday. previews are the preceding friday and there are often REALLY good deals to be had. one of these days i'll photo and catalog all of our great scores but that will have to wait. now at this auction house, they occasionally have special auctions. sometimes the theme is guns, sometimes cars, sometimes kitschy collectibles. last weekend was dolls. while we were there looking for a bookshelf for the new house, we saw rows and rows of creepy little limp bodies laid out in their cardboard and cellophane coffins being poked, prodded, measured, and admired by equally creepy doll-aficionados. out of the impeccably tended cotton and porcelain stared the eeriest and most haunting doll face i think i've ever seen. i will call her REDRUM:

*shivers* moving on...

months ago while we were looking for a place to live when our lease was over, we looked at a cottage on the west side of the city. it was an old cottage that had been updated nicely but my attention was drawn to the thermostat. this thermostat is a therapists dream! public speaking make you queasy? tight spaces make your skin crawl? talking about emotions with family members make you want to hang yourself with your own intestines? change the dynamics of your comfort zone with a twist!
onward....

i've said it before but being a vegan cop on the overnight shift requires lots of planning and if one doesn't pack appropriate food and drink to last the entire night, there's little to be found in the wee hours. some 24 hour grocery stores, 7-11, dunkin donuts, walgreens, and a handful of other convenience stores are the only places where one might find sustenance and, for vegans, the pickin's are less than slim. i usually pack my own ground coffee and organic raw sugar in my thermos and use the hot water at the 7-11 to brew on the spot when my eyelids start drooping. one night this past week while my beverage was steeping, i spotted this "non-dairy creamer." the only caveat is the actual ingredients. i know it's hard to see (camera phones don't have a macro function) but the last line on the ingredient list reads: CONTAINS: MILK. wtf!?

and last but certainly not least....

tonight while we were at a local craft store (which was definitely NOT hobby lobby for obvious reasons) gathering supplies for making our christmas ornaments and gifts (*T&J, y'all are gonna LOVE your homemade decoration!*), i saw this:

that's right, they're knitting needles with battery powered LED lights in the tips! different colors, different sizes, all fun! never again will i rue the fading light whilst knitting. brilliant!

for now, that sufficiently depletes the reservoir of pointless and subjectless pictures i've been saving to share with you three or four loyal readers and may give a tiny glimpse of where i've been and what i've been up to since i last checked in.

be back soon,

~thorns

love that Family Guy

2008-10-24T15:44:00.000-07:00

awesome clip. the back story...stewie, brian, and mort inadvertently use a time machine and end up in WWII Berlin...political commentary ensues.

~thorns

frivolous, needless, ridiculous, glorious self-indulgence

2008-10-23T02:19:00.000-07:00

the way i see it, there are basically two categories of beer drinker. there are those who drink for flavor and those who drink for alcoholic impact. of course there are impact drinkers who appreciate flavor and flavor drinkers who appreciate a beer's impact, but by and large, the world is thusly divided. i align with the flavor drinkers. although i was born and bred on old milwaukee, my tastes have grown considerably more discriminating. as that is the case, i'm always looking for the perfect blend of malt, hops, flavorings, and alcohol content. it was that search that led me to a heavenly creation from Dogfish Head Brewery they call Punkin Ale.

**at this point you should stop reading, go to your nearest beer/wine/liquor merchant, purchase at least one bottle of this stuff, chill it to a few degrees below room temperature, pour into a draft glass, and savor the sweet, spicy goodness.**

and please forgive my brief tangent but....

(this is my "tangent" font) i can't say enough good things about Dogfish Head brewery and their products. they started small and honest, use organic and natural ingredients when possible, and let their consciousness and ambition spill into their community. they're always pushing to expand their repertoire and they produce great beer...not to mention that they once made a beer called "Golden Shower Imperial Pilsner." click around on their site, you'll be impressed too.

i first had the Punkin in 2002 while living in Frederick, MD and have marked the turning of seasons and the passage of the past 6 years by it's yearly limited production. i've basked lavishly in it's increasingly masterful harmony each year but this year, being 1,767 miles from the brewery in Milton, DE, i'd found it a little hard to come by. enter the savior that is internet commerce.

fortunately, the electronic age has spawned more inspired products than bootleg paris hilton porn and one example of such has come in the form of internet alcohol purveyors. sites like Liquid Solutions, Internet Wines & Spirits, Beer Geek, and Bottle Trek help connect lamenting (or lazy) drinkers with distant or particularly hard to find drinks from all over the world. so i placed an order for my beloved Punkin Ale and some other selections and waited. two weeks later, my package of liquid love arrived.

behold the contents ("the expurgated version") of my package-o-decadence...

yes, i do know how ridiculous it is and yes, i do know that there are many more intelligent ways to spend money but no, that didn't stop me.

for those that are really interested, I can give more detailed reviews of the beverages pictured here and, for my foodie friends, i'd like to point out that the Dogfish Head site offers pairing suggestions with their brew descriptions.

ok, now that i've drafted the first chapter of my autobiography, "the day i knew i was an alcoholic," i'll leave you all to happy surfing and sipping, whatever your libation may be.

cheers,
thorns

startling but representative, i fear

2008-10-14T23:48:00.000-07:00

an anecdote...a charming interaction that left me simultaneously amazed and disgusted.

during a conversation with a secretary at my "office" this morning, i mentioned that my girlfriend was sick and that i was heading to the store to gather ingredients to make some soup to aid her in her recovery. the secretary asked what kind of soup i was going to make and i told her "vietnamese noodle soup" (phô, for those of you in the know). she wrinkled her nose disdainfully and said, "Yuck! That would make me sicker!" I asked her if she'd ever had it or even knew what was in it and, predictably, she said, "No, but I know I wouldn't like it."

i knew very well that there was really no point in arguing but i couldn't help myself. i said, "it's noodles and broth with vegetables and spices. it's not that much different from chicken noodle soup. are you saying you wouldn't like it just because it's vietnamese?" she shook her head and said, "It just sounds gross." at that, i shook my head and said, "that's a pretty intolerant perspective, don't you think?" with nose still crinkled, she quipped, "I dunno.," and shrugged off my challenge lazily. i saw my chance to learn something here and i probed, "you're probably voting for McCain, too, aren't you?" she proudly and emphatically announced with a put-on dignified tone, "Why, yes I am!"

hooray for ignorant people!

~thorns

happy world vegetarian day!

2008-10-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

today, october 1st, is world vegetarian day and is the annual kickoff of vegetarian awareness month.
i'm not suggesting you all eschew your meat eating ways completely but consider how every meatless meal can help:

- reduce your risk of heart disease, strokes, and cancers
- reduce your risk of exposure to foodborne pathogens
- save animals from suffering in factory-farm conditions
- conserve vital and limited freshwater, fertile topsoil, and other natural resources
- preserve irreplaceable ecosystems like rainforests and other wildlife habitats
- decrease greenhouse gases that accelerate global warming
- mitigate the ever-expanding environmental pollution of animal agriculture

i'll spare the lecture, but there are so many good reasons to reduce or stop consuming meat. there are tons of great sources of information out there and i compiled a lot of them in my "unplug yourself: part one" for your edification.

try this month to replace even one meal where you'd normally use meat with a vegetarian meal. get reacquainted with vegetables and perhaps the tons of great faux meats from burgers, to ribs, to meatballs, to "chicken" nuggets, to (i swear it exists), vegetarian haggis. most of these things can be found at your local heath food store and some are surprisingly convincing analogues. try it for a month...consider it an investment in your health.

~thorns

this is a call

2008-09-15T15:37:00.000-07:00

better than new clothes, better than a full belly, better than a hammock nap...is a fresh perspective...and that's what i'm seeking.
i'm recruiting you all to turn me onto something...a book, a song, a speech, a picture, a movie, an idea...anything that will challenge me to see things differently.

bring it,

thorns

a sad realization and some leftovers

2008-09-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

first comes the sad realization regarding my most recent post...

after some review, i very clearly see the "hey-you-kids-get-out-of-my-yardishness" (to borrow a phrase from Rob) of the post and am thoroughly disgusted at how much of a miserable old fart i must have recently become. the kicker is that, despite knowing how much my post makes me come across as the stuck-in-the-past/all-of-today's-music-sounds-the-same-to-me musical curmudgeon, i still hold fast to my beliefs...thus further solidifying my ever increasing distance from "hip." going out immediately to buy orthopedic shoes and pants with elastic waistbands.

and now the leftovers...

sometimes i see things that strike me as funny or peculiar or noteworthy and i somehow record them for later reference here and, for lack of a substantive post based on their own merits, they're leftovers. the first of such is a funny new site i stumbled across which is great for wasting a bit of time. check out totallylookslike.com to see pictures of people who, as the name would suggest, totally look like someone or something else. if you see a pair who belong on this site, make the correlation and send it in and they'll likely post it. i've compiled some highlights:

continuing with the surplus...i was in blockbuster the other day and happened across these: the one on the right is about a girl who is basically forced into indentured servitude by the police and wields a yo-yo with a martial-arts flair to fight crime and the one on the left...well...what else is there to say?

and my last bit of detritus is a new way i've found to recycle my old media and get media that i want for very cheap. it's called swaptree and the site offers the service of cataloging items that you have and items that you want and then matching the two users to arrange a trade. the only thing you pay is the cost to ship your old stuff to whoever the user is that wants it. the site even provides an interface through which you can print trackable shipping labels if you have a credit card and a printer capable of labels. i know there are other online services of the ilk (please let me know if you know about any of them) but this one is very easy to use and i've had great results so far.

stay tuned for the next collection of castaways from the island of misfit blog ideas.

always looking for future flotsam,

~thorns

as good as it gets

2008-09-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

to piggy-back on bullet point #9 of my "music = life" post: "the joy of finding and listening to a long-lost record/cd/tape...," i'd like to wax rhapsodic about recently doing just that. in the process of a little seasonal storage-unit jockeying, i ran across a cache of old cassettes and have spent the past few days bathing myself in the reminiscent joy of some of the best music ever made.

now i know everyone doesn't share my taste in music and that there will be some strong dissent, but it's my contention that mainstream radio was at it's most exciting in the early to mid '90's. while it's true that artists who released major, unquestionably influential albums during the 80's (the cure, REM, violent femmes, the smiths, the pixies, u2, the police, radiohead, sonic youth, etc.) paved the way for bands of the following decades, the speed of musical progress and the envelope-pushing breakthrough artists of the early-mid 90's had not been seen before and has not been touched since.

i was a young teen during that time and developing my own musical appetites and, driven by a lack of money to buy new music on my own, i'd record hours of radio for later consumption. it was one of these tapes that i recently unearthed and when i listen to it, i still feel a little jolt of electrical excitement that i felt back then. in one 90 minute sampling of "104.7 "The Buzz" - Richmond's New Rock Alternative!," (now, tragically, an Urban Gospel station) i'm treated to tracks by the cranberries, folk implosion, lisa loeb, soundgarden, bush, pearl jam, nirvana, stone temple pilots, nine inch nails, and the lemonheads. for real, folks, how much more exciting can mainstream radio get than that?

the 90's also brought us some of the best in hate-the-world-suicide-rock like "bullet with butterfly wings" by the smashing pumpkins. how can you ignore lyrics like "the world is a vampire" and the enduring anthemic line, "despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage":

too juicy a lyric not to include here is another pumpkins gem from the song "zero"

"emptiness is loneliness, and
loneliness is cleanliness, and
cleanliness is godliness, and
god is empty just like me
intoxicated with the madness,
i'm in love with my sadness"

while the radio was bursting with new life, the music video was starting it's rise to ultimate popularity and artists were finding new ways to express their music. enter: (the wonderfully disturbing) "sober" by tool:

brings a tear to the eye. dysfunctional perfection.

the 90's ushered in a new kind of music and a new breed of musicians that seemed edgier, angrier, and less pretentious than the drivel that floods the mainstream airwaves these days. until alternative rises again to dominate the fm frequencies, satellite radio and my homemade archives will have to keep the tunes flowing.

other very honorable mentions i'd hate not to be represented here: pavement, rancid, third eye blind, hole, live, oasis, alice in chains, jane's addiction, collective soul, weezer, rage against the machine, and tons of others!

still rockin' out,

~thorns

when it's in your bones

2008-09-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

if you don't regularly equate music with life then this post probably won't resonate quite as strongly as with those of you who do but, whatever the depth of your relationship with music, it's universally undeniable that notes, chords, harmonies, and melodies enrich our lives in ways *few other things can.

i'd like to take a minute just to celebrate some of the experiences that i'm sure every true music-lover can relate to:

- sitting in your car after reaching destination to catch the end of a song on the radio
- deeply lamenting the warbly death of a favorite cassette
- spending hours carefully assembling the perfect mixed tape (or cd)
- listening to the carefully assembled tape that someone mixed just for you
- reveling in the staticky radio frequency battle station have when you're driving out of the range of one and entering the range of the other
- buying a back-up copy of a favorite or rare cd/record (just in case)
- hearing a song that you're sure must have been written for you and only you
- listening through headphones and devouring the intricacies you miss (fingers sliding down strings, coughs, inadvertently deadened notes, laughs) with more diffuse speakers
- the joy of finding and listening to a long-lost record/cd/tape and intuitively knowing exactly what song comes next
- the music making you cry
- hearing new music for the first time
- the extreme joy of finding the long-lost selection you though was gone forever
- putting obscure sound clips (like snippits from german language tutorial cd's or lines from movie scores/soundtracks) on mixes
- hearing a song and remembering precisely every detail of a place/time/person/thing you experienced when that song was playing
- learning the REAL lyrics and realizing what a dolt you've been for years :-)
- knowing the whole album. every word. every note. every breath. every pause. every crackle. everything.
- pulling over or slowing down because your radio reception is fading and you know you'll be in a dead spot soon but you REALLY want to hear the song
- singing along...loudly (if you can't sing well, sing loud!)
- waiting for days with a blank tape in the recorder waiting to hear the first notes of a song so you can sprint to the stereo and hit the record button
- finding a great used CD
- the arrival of a long awaited album
- traveling much longer to get to a show than the show actually lasted
- learning a new tune/lick/riff/technique
- being caught obliviously ROCKING OUT in your car by another motorist and the awkward smile that follows
- being in awe of a performer's killer abilities
- lusting after an instrument you can't yet afford
- hearing a cover version and fucking HATING it
- hearing a cover and loving it
- "discovering" a life-changing band or song

and the mother of them all....

- LIVE MUSIC!

(my belief...and trust me, it's been sorely tested, is that any live music is better than no live music...at least they're trying)

those are just a few of the MANY reasons why music = life and are things we music-lovers share across time and space. if you also agree that music = life, please share some of the other experiences that you believe all of us music slaves share.

in the meantime,

~thorns is rocking out thoroughly!

*the PG version of the "few other things" noted above: freshly ground almond butter, campfires, and my grandmother's fried apples and biscuits

a beginning

2008-08-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

although it was never so technically labeled when i was growing up in rural virginia, hiking has always been my therapeutic modality of choice. walking, hiking, trekking, or exploring, as i thought of it as a child, has always reached me on simultaneously visceral and ethereal planes. the way i've come to relate to the outdoors and the sustenance i derive from that interaction surpasses the romanticized and often farcical notion of "communing with nature" and is more an opportunity to reflect on and be intimate with things and processes much bigger than me.

when i'm gazing out at a mountain vista, listening to waves lap a shoreline, or watching a forest's arms close around me, i look on the moment like a snapshot. at first i see a fixed and fleeting point in time, a picture of a state of being. then, that photograph dissolves and i begin to take in the thousands of smaller and more complex photographs that contribute to the bigger picture. it's when i see the WHOLE scene in front of me and then realize that that scene is ALWAYS taking place that i am strangely and strongly grounded and contemporaneously uprooted.
i feel so small because that scene, that process, is going to happen with or without me...but i'm at the same time magnified because i'm IN the scene NOW...i'm a PART of it...i'm part of the perpetual, the unstoppable. it's in those swirling moments of synchronous significance and insignificance that my head clears and my own doors to myself open and i can truly reflect.
this week, my meditative hiking practice evolved to a new level as i hiked for longer, higher, and harder than ever before. this past wednesday, we hiked pike's peak. pike's peak is america's most visited mountain and second in the world only to mt. fuji in japan. we made our ascent via the barr trail, a 12.6 mile hiking trail from the base (6,600 feet) to the summit at 14,110 feet. our arduous journey began at 3:30 a.m. and we hiked for roughly seven hours before finally reaching the summit. as we made our way up the nearly 13 mile trail, there were definitely spasms of frantic dehydrated delirium but also were there plenty of moments of clarity where we could be alone with our thoughts...a hike to be remembered to be sure.

it's epic (at least epic at this stage of our hikerhood) treks like this that challenge us and bolster our ambition to eventually get back to the east coast to do the 2,175 mile Appalachian Trail. the history and mystical allure of the Trail, the opportunity to test one's fortitude, and the chance to be part of something so personal yet so universal has long made the AT an aspiration of ours. in the pursuit of that dream, we've chosen to look on our pikes peak ascent as a commencement....our training has begun.

~thorns

public transportation be damned

2008-08-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

with the price of gas at record highs, more and more people are turning to greyhound for their long distance transportation needs....not me....and, as this news report indicates, here's why:

that's a BIG wtf!

~thorns

"less strictly constitutional and more strictly awesome"

2008-07-27T20:16:00.001-07:00

the onion strikes again!

Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

as cartman would say, that's "hella cool!"

~thorns

to my out, proud, grammatically challenged friend

2008-07-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

i'm not quite a social butterfly so i've only made a few friends here in colorado. an even fewer number of them have risen to a level which ranks having their number stored in my phone. this is only important because i recently got a text message from a number that was NOT in my familiar contact list and that i've never seen before. the message seemed heartfelt and was of such interest that i thought you all should know exactly what my anonymous text-friend shared with me:

"your important to me, so i wanted you to be the first to know. i'm a lesbian, always have been."

and with that....my mystery texter vanished like a feathered dandelion frond in the wind. i'm honored that my clandestine friend thinks so highly of me and would confide such a deeply personal revelation...via text.

thank you, mystery friend. thank you.

~thorns

frosty thought

2008-07-17T08:25:00.000-07:00

"One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."

(link)

what to do, what to do

2008-07-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

i have a dillema and i'm hoping y'all can help me decide what to do. this past week, we went to a local farmers market in search of some locally produced fruits and vegetables. tangent --> as i'll explain in a future post (unplug yourself: part two), it's important to buy locally. buying locally supports the small farmer, contributes to the regional economy, and cuts down on the amount of fossil fuels consumed during the production/transportation of whatever it is you purchase. digressing...anyway....

i was desperately searching for local peaches and found them at only one of the few dozen booths that crowded the weekly market in woodland park, co. as i stood in line waiting my turn, i heard the proprietor (which i use very loosely here) haggling with a gentleman in front of me. the man asked the vendor very politely how many apricots constitute a "basket" and then asked the price. the man was in his 80's, dressed in a plaid button-down shirt, flat-brimmed cap, and navy blue work pants, and he gave the impression that he perhaps once grew his own produce but has now been reduced to scouring local markets for his 'taters-n-greens.

the vendor, a teenage female clad in a sloppy t-shirt with her slick hair pulled back into an angry knot on the back of her head, told him how many peaches he'd be getting for 5 dollars. the man asked if she'd be willing to take 3 dollars since the apricots were small and the girl indignantly told him that they had the only local apricots at the market so she COULD charge whatever she wanted and that he was lucky it was only 5 dollars. the man was clearly taken aback and stood silent for a moment while the teen moved down the line to insult other customers. another buyer came to his aid and bargained for $3.50, the girl countered with $4.00 after making some other smart-ass comment, and the deal was made.

i was shocked at the disrespect and decided that i didn't need peaches enough to patronize that irreverent bitch so we left with the fresh tomatoes and onions we'd gotten from another booth and moseyed on down the road. several days later, at a weekly market in old colorado city, we again went in search of peaches. i scanned the booths and finally saw a "Colorado Peaches!" sign and got in line for my first fresh peaches of the year. i'd stood there for several seconds and then realized that the vendor was the same girl from woodland park. i begrudgingly bought my peaches and, though they are decent peaches, i feel a tinge of burning hatred every time i eat one.

the dilemma:
do i continue to give money to people who are obviously missing the spirit of local markethood in my quest to do the green thing (and satisfy my need for peaches) or do i stand up for courtesy, compassion, and just-plain-decency and spend my peach allowance at a chain store for produce that more than likely is not locally raised?

missing my grandpa's peaches,
~thorns

am i missing something here?

2008-07-07T03:34:00.000-07:00

wtf? i don't get it. help me understand.

the directions in the picture are a little blurry so i'll help you out:

1. pour instant beans into serving bowl

2. add boiling water and stir briefly (see Instant Bean/Water Ratio chart below)

3. Cover 5 minutes, stir and serve.

i would like to point out that the above steps for the preparation of the instant refried beans forgot to mention sub-steps:

2(a). boil water

2(b). read a chart and,

2(c). apply rational mathematical equations

2(b) and (c), incidentally, are both deal-breakers for me...i just don't need instant powdered refried beans that badly.

man...if only someone could come up with a product that's more "instant" than those "instant" refried beans...eureka!...ah yes...that's more like it. here are the instructions for this product:

1. open can.

archimedes would be proud.

~thorns

i knew i was more evolved...now there's proof!

2008-06-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

after countless hours poring over scientific journals [READ: numbly scanning blogs], i've found the proof that i always knew was out there which substantiates my belief that i'm more evolved than most.

neurophysiologist katherine rankin at the university of california, SF, has recently discovered that sarcasm plays an important part in human social interaction. like we didn't already know that. according to the good doctor, those who can't readily discern sarcasm appear to have less functional/evolved parahippocampal gyrus regions in their right brain. that cortex of the brain not only controls certain memory recall functions and visual recollections, but registers social contexts. she notes that people with dementia, or head injuries in that area, often lose the ability to pick up on sarcasm, and so they don’t respond in a socially appropriate ways. (which makes me wonder if damn near ALL of my relatives weren't dropped on their heads as children).

we use sarcasm to form alliances with people with whom we are socially compatible and to pick out "enemies" who, to simplify, may represent a threat to our personal advancement. it is this mastery of "social intelligence" (which encompasses humor, conversational ability, friend/foe recognition, and sarcasm), anthropologists say, that has allowed the human race to thrive and evolve. (and i thought it was TV that brought us this far)

whatever.

~thorns

who knew?

2008-06-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

in my endeavor to buy locally as much as possible, i was discriminatingly scouring the bins at my local whole foods and discovered a new (to me) vegetable! these peculiar green tentacles were produced at a farm about half an hour south of here and are called garlic scapes. the scape is the green flower stem that the garlic bulb shoots skyward as it matures. these shoots are delicate and pliable and will curl into the little tendrils you see here. i promptly googled them and discovered lots of recipes and other facts about them. though i haven't eaten them yet, the literature i've found suggests they have a crispy texture similar to asparagus with a mild garlic flavor without the acrid garlic bite. i gather that they are most readily found at local farmers markets and whole/natural/organic food stores. if you're inclined to find scapes or discover other new and unusual local produce, check HERE to find a local farmers market or a farm near you.

~thorns

unplug yourself: part one

2008-06-22T22:37:00.001-07:00

**disclaimer: if you've never seen any of the Matrix movies, you'll be a bit out of the loop but i think you'll be ok.**

the Matrix movies tell the story of a future in which the reality perceived by humans is actually a simulated reality created by sentient machines in order to pacify and subdue the human population so that those sentient machines can harness the energy from human body heat and neural activity for their own sustenance.

enter...the Meatrix! the founders of Sustainable Table, an organization dedicated to the furtherance of sustainable food sources, created a series of spoof videos whose aim is to educate people about the perils of factory farming. the analogy is genius.

i don't preach and i don't judge others for what they eat but i feel like i'm being remiss if i don't do my part to at least expose others (all 4 of you that read this blog) to the atrocities being committed to fulfill the nation's demand for meat, eggs, and dairy. i'll spare you the blood and guts (the facts are readily available if you want them) but animals are grossly mistreated and sanitation standards are blatantly disregarded in the name of speed and profit. these shortcuts have meant increases in the occurrence of disease in both the animals and the humans that consume the byproducts and more artificial compounds like hormones and antibiotics being added [READ: injected] to increase productivity.

i'm not saying that you should stop eating meat. that's a big choice to make and requires a commitment for one's own reasons. what i am saying is that you should be cognizant of where your meat/eggs/dairy comes from and how it was treated before reaching your grocery cart.

buy local and/or organic as frequently as you can. ask questions about where your groceries come from. use the eat well guide to find sustainable food sources in your area. oh...and if at all possible, don't patronize fast food restaurants. they are the most heinous offenders when it comes to fueling "the Meatrix." do it for yourself too...the "food" they produce is terrible for you. eating that shit'll catch up with you. in short, be responsible for what you put in your body.

although i am an unparalleled fount of knowledge, check your library for books, magazines, and movies about sustainable food, the food industry, and green issues in general. some resources that have really opened my eyes:
Slaughterhouse - Gail Eisnitz
Fast Food Nation - Eric Schlosser (also a movie for those who don't want to read)
Vegan: The New Ethics of Eating - Erik Marcus
The Food Revolution - John Robbins
Skinny Bitch - Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin

i'm not advocating that you all go out and become long-haired, tree-hugging, hemp-necklaced vegans. i just urge you to look past the blinders and refuse to buy into the Meatrix. educate yourself, dig a little deeper, and invest in your health instead.

~thorns

talk amongst yourselves...i'll give you a topic

2008-06-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

is a "diety" a god of weight loss?

~thorns

math worse than mine

2008-06-20T12:33:00.001-07:00

as those that know me are well aware, i was absent the day they taught math. numbers just don't work inside my head. i don't like math, i don't do well with math, and as long as i can continue to make words work for me, i'll continue to be arithmetically challenged. last night, however, my computational prowess soared as i found someone worse at math than me.
i encountered a man who had committed a minor violation for which my discretion could be used in whether to enforce by citation or exercise my jedi-mind-trick "this never happened" powers. as we conversed, the man begged me to be merciful and pleaded, "c'mon man, don't give me a ticket....i just got out of jail on the 38th of last month."

with math like that, i think he deserved the break :-)

~thorns

a free coffin, a moose, and the vagina couch

2008-06-09T23:35:00.000-07:00

we've spoken before about the instances of "circumstantial voyeurism" when, by some serendipitous alignment of forces, we're allowed a glimpse into someone else's life. my buddy just put me onto an unlikely catalog of these wonderful portals...the BEST OF craigslist.com!
i use craigslist fairly regularly and i'm frankly surprised that i've never noticed this awesome feature of the site. see, with every posted ad on craigslist, there's a way to flag that post as miscategorized, prohibited, spam, or best of craigslist. i knew about the flags for the other stuff but the best of craigslist option is new to me....and it's freakin' fantastic!

i'm sure some of these ads are contrived but i'm also sure that some are completely legit. either way, they bear frittering away at least a little bit of time that could be better spent doing something productive. some of my favorites are the chattanooga ladies man, kissing lessons, a husband's terms, the exhibitionist's apology, the vagina couch, and one person's box of precious memories.

you won't be sorry :-)

~thorns

channeling chaucer

2008-06-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

i'd said to myself that i was going to try to steer clear of using the people and situations i encounter at work as fodder for my blog but sometimes it's just too much to resist. *smiling incredulously and shaking head side to side*

you see, recently, i had the pleasure of meeting a former presidential candidate. while checking a park area in a local canyon, i saw a vehicle parked just ahead of me on the side of the road (in violation of park regulations). as i pulled in behind the vehicle, this is what i saw: (camera phone picture)

now i took psychology 101 in college so i'm pretty good at cluing in on classic attention-seeking behavior so i felt like it was the responsible thing to do to indulge this apparent holy man and see if there was perhaps some divine reason he was parked alone in a park at 2 in the morning. the encounter that ensued can only be described as deeply uplifting. *smiling incredulously and shaking head side to side again*

just so you get a full idea of what i observed, i searched the internet for others who have been blessed by a similar experience and here are some other angles of our reverend's political pot-mobile. (click the pictures for close-ups)

i politely informed our man of god...sorry...God...that he was in violation of park reg's and he apologized. i then gingerly asked him to tell me about the message he was trying to spread via his car/billboard. the good reverend told me that he'd been a write-in presidential candidate in 2004 and was encouraging people to help his campaign now in 2008. he also informed me that the election process is biased towards the rich and THAT was the reason his campaign had lost strength in 2004 and cost him the presidency. this becomes an infintely funnier concept when you watch his video. in the brief conversation we had, he told me that he didn't have any marijuana with him but said, "If one will look at the medical facts, one will find that there are many blessings associated with the plant." who can argue?

i wished our reverend well, sent him on his way, and promptly googled him to learn more. as it turns out, he was (at least partially) telling the truth. he apparently has a cult following, a website, a video, and, of course, a myspace page. go ahead, check them out....i'll wait....

if chaucer was writing his canterbury tales for 2008, i'm sure the parson's tale would be pretty much a verbatim transcription of this.

again...who can argue? *smiles and shakes head incredulously*

~thorns

go forth and be creepy

2008-05-25T22:34:00.000-07:00

while creepiness and crawliness are qualities most often associated with insects, worms, and other little beasties, they are attributes which i have frequently adopted and even sought to develop for most of my life. slinking undetected through shadows and occasional stealthful prowling have long been pastimes of mine (most of you know what i'm talking about...john, brandon) and have come to serve me well. now, with a concrete goal and set parameters, i encourage you all to channel your inner ninja and join in the creepy crawly fun.

the proposed application of these aforementioned skills is a game called geocaching. the modern incarnation of the activity started in 2000 when the US government made GPS satellite signals more widely accessible to the public and a computer consultant and GPS hobbyist from portland, oregon decided to test the capabilities of this new access. he hid a bucket in the woods near beaver creek, oregon filled with books, software, money, and other shwag, then posted the GPS coordinates on an internet newsgroup. david ulmer's bucket, deemed "the great american GPS stash hunt," gave instant rise to the sport now called geocaching.

there are over 580,000 registered caches hidden all over the world and most of them are listed at geocaching.com. the game works like this: a player hides a cache (which contains, at minimum, a log book) and posts the coordinates and description online for other players to access. another player then finds the cache using the coordinates. once the cache is found, the rules are simple. sign the log book, replace the cache exactly where you found it, report that you found it back on the website. if the cache is big enough to house goodies and you want to partake, you must leave something in return. aside from those simple guidelines, the game has very few limitations.

caches range in size from very large, like a 5-gallon bucket, to very tiny, like a keyring pill holder. some are submerged, some cleverly camouflaged to fit surroundings, and some are magnetized and affixed to any number of the metallic surfaces all around us. you could potentially be using the government's multi-billion dollar GPS satellites to find someone's old tupperware! the only restriction on container type is the player's imagination.

also included in the sport of geocaching are benchmarks, virtual caches, multi-caches, theme caches, puzzle caches, webcam caches, earth caches, and letterbox caches. again, the imagination is the only limit and the sport continues to evolve. one such evolution was the advent of traveling, trackable gamepieces called travel bugs. travel bugs are serialized tags attached to items that hitchhike from cache to cache. most have "personalities," objectives, and destinations. when found, the player's obligation is to try to obey the "bug's" mission and then to move it along to the next cache. we found the smurf pirate pictured here back in wheaton, maryland. he was "born" in austria and released into the game in malta back in 2004. his objective was to see as many coastal places as possible, to someday return to the mediterranean, and to have his picture taken on beaches, ships, or anything pirate-related. we obliged.

the creepy crawliness i spoke of before comes into play while actually retrieving and replacing the cache. most caches are hidden right out in the open and those not familiar with geocaching (commonly referred to among cachers as "muggles" (borrowed from the harry potter series)) will often become suspicious if they witness a geocaching transaction. these "muggles" will sometimes find/plunder/remove/destroy the cache so it is imperative that stealth and discretion be used while caching. let the secret agent within you flourish!

cachers are a fun-loving, social, and responsible group. caching advocates respect for the environment, promoting the "cache in, trash out" mentality, and does abide by a certain ethical code to, among other purposes, help preserve the sport. the challenge and reward of a treasure hunt provides a simultaneously relaxing and exciting respite from one's daily nonsense and it's a great way to get out and enjoy areas you might not otherwise experience.

except for the newsiness of the reporters, this video gives a pretty concise orientation.

it's free (except for a GPS if you decide to use one...they're not necessary but they sure help), it's fun, it's exciting, it can be done 24 hours a day, in any weather, and it's easy. try it and you'll be hooked. go here, type in your address, and be amazed at how many there are around you right now just waiting for you to find them. so go forth and be creepy!

~thorns

happiness is...

2008-05-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

lennon and mccartney would have us believe that happiness is..."a warm gun," ("bang bang, shoot shoot") but it was six years earlier, in 1962, when cartoonist charles schulz wrote a small book proclaiming that happiness is..."a warm puppy." it's this perspective that i'm subscribing to (today...because sometimes the gun thing is spot on too!) and i think the world deserves to experience the warm-puppy-happiness vicariously through this blog. without further ado, here is our icon of warm-puppiness, ryder.

she's about six months old and was billed as an australian cattle dog mix when we rescued her from the humane society nearly three months ago. from her appearance and the vet's speculation, the "mix" seems to include some percentage of pit bull and whippet. she's full of puppy verve and never fails to bring excitement wherever she goes.

she loves to run, she loves playing in water, she loves ALL fruits and vegetables (with a few toxic exceptions), she loves to go rock climbing, and she's brilliant.

she's into her second week of intermediate level training at petsmart (which we highly recommend) and has learned to sit/stay/come/lay down/roll over/shake hands/high five/double high five/ring a bell to be let out/and...our crowning achievement...she'll fall over "dead" when you shoot her with your finger and say "bang!"

after having her for three months, the only issue that concerns us is.....her drinking problem :-)

we'll continue to work on it.

~thorns

3 minutes of proof that a tiny asian kid is cooler than me

2008-05-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

it's just not fair. you'll see what i mean. the sound and video aren't perfectly matched up but it's close enough.

dammit. i gotta go practice now.

*walks sulking to his guitar*

~thorns

indulge the monkey

2008-05-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

i've often advocated here paying attention to what's going on around you. today, that philosophy thrust me into what seems to be the aftermath of a crime. (short dramatic interlude)

from the window of the classroom where i've spent everyday for the past 10 weeks, i can see the roof of the building next door. about two weeks ago, as i fought boredom and brain atrophy by gazing at the mountain community just beyond the glass, i noticed a blue duffel bag on the roof that was not there the week before. for nearly two weeks that bag taunted me from afar and practically dared me to climb up there and find out what was inside. was it money? garbage? severed heads? a litter of kittens? call it training, instinct, or some strange kind of intuition, but the beckoning somehow conveyed to me that the bag had more of a story than just a forgotten bag or jettisoned trash.

just after lunch on friday, the call became too loud for me to ignore. on a break from my studies, i indulged the monkey inside of me and shinnied up a set of gas pipes attached to the building's exterior and climbed onto the roof to finally examine that mysterious bag. while i'd love to be able to say that is WAS actually filled with severed heads or gold bullion or priceless artifacts, what i DID find may be worth more in story-telling potential. the blue bag is actually an aerobed and proved unremarkable on it's own. the real discovery was the photo album that was laying a few feet away from the aerobed.

the cover to the album was gone and, based on the recent weather trends and the condition of the album's pages and pictures, i'd estimate that it'd been up there for about two weeks. some of the pictures are curled from moisture exposure and some of the ball point ink inscriptions on the bottom margins of some of the photos are smudged but most of them are still salvageable. nearly all of the pictures are black and white and are mounted on thick black construction paper pages. looking through the pictures, it isn't hard to see that this album is clearly very special to someone and i strongly believe it was taken from them during some sort of burglary and tossed onto the roof by the criminal(s). the photos are well-shot perspectives of places and times and it's eerie and strangely fascinating to try to imagine oneself looking through the viewfinder when the shutter snapped on the original scene in the picture.

here's an awesome picture taken of The Needles in South Dakota back in 1940...

a buffalo sunset....and a couple others pictures that i thought conveyed the personal, journal-like qualities of the album.

oh....and my personal favorite....the unfinished Mt. Rushmore!

i'm undertaking a full-scale effort to get this album and these great pictures back to their owner. though even a sleuth of my unparalleled investigatory prowess may not be able to solve whatever event may or may not have brought these items into my hands, returning them to whoever lost them may assuage the sense of loss and victimization they're likely feeling. i welcome any and all ideas about how best to find the owner and i'll surely keep you posted on the progress.

until then, keep your eyes open and don't be afraid to indulge the monkey when you must :-)

~thorns

it's my blog and i'll do what i want to

2008-05-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

although i remain passionate about the culinary arts, i decided at the outset that this blog wouldn't creep too far into the "foodie" category. however, there are times when my level of success and feeling of utter triumph prevail and compel me to share with the world. sad, i know, but true.

transplanting from the DC metro area where the population (and subsequently the restaurant selection) is so amazingly diverse to the more remote and decidedly more homogeneous colorado springs has left us in want of some of the ethnic cuisines we'd come to know and love. also surprising is the lack of restaurants here that cater to vegans. those two conditions have forced us to cook and eat at home almost exclusively and we're happy to say we're the better for it.

one of the food items we'd been missing the most was samosas. my task was laid before me. i was a little intimidated at first but i did some research and pulled from several different recipes until i came up with the knowledge and courage to try it for myself. i made both the dough and filling from scratch and, with a little help from Manjula (see below), my samosas were awesome!

[non foodie types may skip to the pictures at this point :-)]

i'll spare all the gory details but the dough was flour (white and wheat all purpose), water, veg oil, salt, and my secret ingredient...smoked paprika. the filling was potatoes, peas, onions, garlic, olive oil, salt, cumin, coriander, turmeric, fenugreek, ginger, caraway, cardamom, and cayenne. my sous-chef :-) prepared a simple yet divine dipping sauce by blending cilantro, coconut milk, jalapeno, lemon, and a little raw sugar. look!

they came together so perfectly. hooray for homemade vegan samosas! look out bourdain....here we come!

~thorns

missing the mark

2008-05-08T22:14:00.000-07:00

i know they meant well and probably didn't write their copy with an overly critical vegan in mind but, as i'll explain, a local radio station announced a call-in contest this week that caused me to raise my eyebrow in wtf-ness. as is my morning commute custom, i was listening to the local talk-radio station this morning on my way to work and i heard, shoved in there between the obligatory presidential campaign update and, "...traffic and weather together on the fives...," the aforementioned "be caller number three" contest prize that evoked in me that dog-with-head-cocked-to-one-side reaction. the prize was four tickets to a fund-raiser to benefit Big Cats of Serenity Springs. let that settle in.... so there is point of silliness #1 - FREE tickets to a fund-raiser. i'm not the best with money but isn't the whole point of selling tickets to a fund-raiser to generate revenue for the cause? right. digressing on point of silliness #1 to bring promptly forth...

point of silliness #2.

the radio personality charged with awarding these free tickets and pitching this fund-raiser told us listeners what a great time this shindig would be and implored us to "come on out....and enjoy the spaghetti and meatballs, shrimp cocktail, and pulled pork barbecue," that are to be served at this fantastic event. now i'm not one of those indignant, preachy vegans who looks down their vitamin b-12 deficient nose at all you vile flesh-eaters (kidding, kidding), but i couldn't help tripping over the irony here. lets give money to an organization that claims promoting care and compassion for animals as their mission but serves hot dogs, meatballs, shrimp cocktail, salmon, chicken burritos, and pulled pork barbecue to the attendees of it's fund-raiser. who says you need meat to get enough IRONy in your diet? :-)

~thorns

just for fun

2008-05-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

so this has been a pretty taxing week and, as a celebration of it finally dragging to an end, i present to you, my adoring fans, a couple things to help promote a healthy weekend mentality. the first is the story of what happened to me in the bathroom early this week. i was standing in a public restroom on monday and was under the impression that i was alone when, from behind one of the stall doors, a voice entreated,..."hey. how do you spell liquor?" not having expected the early morning spelling pee (relax....i can hear the groans of bad-pun-disapproval) but always eager to help, i offered, "L-I-Q-U-O-R." there was a period of silence as the inquirer paused to reflect and then the voice said, "man, i was WAY off!"

it was one of those did-that-really-just-happen? sort of moments and i didn't really stick around to help my quiz administrator with any of his other academic issues but the story makes for pretty good blog fodder.

the second promotion of a healthy weekend mentality is one of the best examples of creative writing i've ever seen. for those of you who are not "family guy" fans or who aren't familiar with this particular episode, allow me to set the stage: stewie (the maladjusted and misanthropic toddler you'll see in the bed) believes he has cancer and enlists brian (the family's talking dog) to write his final thoughts....pure comedy genius.

i really can't think of much that gets ME more into a fun-having mood than that.

off to enjoy my weekend,

~thorns

the best kind of soap

2008-04-26T20:24:00.000-07:00

most of the time we shuffle and squirm through life altogether ignorant (willingly and happily so) of anything that's not happening right in front of our faces. even more outside our realm of giving-a-shit are the things that don't fuel our evermore pressing compulsion to achieve, succeed, acquire. we're busy rushing about viewing the outside world and all of it's constituent parts largely as obstacles standing between where we are and where we need to be. in this way, we seldom recognize that there are millions of people around us all busy in their little circles as they push past you to put checkmarks on their own to-do lists. paul haggis expressed through one of the characters he created in his screenplay for the movie crash, "we're always behind this metal and glass. (we) brush past people, people bump into you...nobody touches you. when you're moving at the speed of life, we're bound to collide with each other."

though the collisions that haggis portrays in his work are dramatic, desperate, and violent, they can also be as innocuous as being privy to a momentary glimpse into someone else's life by accident. it's those accidental moments that tend to pull me from my destination-driven habitudes and allow me to revel in the fact that we're all putting one foot in front of the other the same way and that our commonalities far outweigh our differences.

two of those accidental instances of what we'll call "circumstantial voyeurism" came for me recently while walking our dog in a local dog park. as i've indicated in previous posts, i try to make it a practice to keep at least one eye cast groundward everywhere i go and, on this day, it paid off. crumpled under a bench was quite possibly the best note i've ever intercepted:

for so many reasons this little view into someone else's life made me smile. i love visualizing the "liar" spending the day blowing off whatever they were supposed to be doing to be at a park enjoying the sunshine. it's also hard not to enjoy thinking about the bratty sibling going to the trouble to find out that the dentist was closed just to hammer the "liar."...and who among us can't identify with the sentiment (and flawless delivery) of the last line? it's perfect! the note is perfect, the serendipitous finding of it was perfect, and the respite it gave me from my own troubles was especially perfect.

the second opportunity to engage in my "circumstantial voyeurism" came several days later in the same dog park. amidst our frolic in the park, i saw a folded paper winking at me from the mulch at the base of some adolescent oak saplings. although not nearly as entertaining as the note about the "liar," this one offered it's own inspiration:

most of the grocery/to-do list is unremarkable but the real gem of inspiration comes right there at the end when the note's author lists a cleaning ritual that i'm sure freud would have quite a lot to say about. who among us wouldn't love to wash our guilt from time to time? where can i get THAT kind of soap? (i'm sure there's a joke about hanging from a clothesline to be made here too but i digress)

these episodes present themselves all the time if you're paying attention and the only limit to what you get out of them is your own imagination and willingness to submit to them. if you can't find these opportunities on your own, at least take advantage of glimpses collected by others at places like the Post Secret blog or Found magazine! i'm no preacher and i'm certainly no fount of...well...anything...but i do encourage embracing that "circumstantial voyeurism" when you get the chance. sometimes it's refreshing to step outside what you're doing, welcome that little collision of lives, and walk in someone else's freudian slippers.

~thorns

bringin' it back

2008-03-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

any of the pop-music savvy among us knows that JT (justin timberlake) is "bringing sexy back." it's MY mission, however, to help TJ (thomas jefferson) bring back one of his legacies - the two dollar bill. though the frequently forgotten bill was first printed in 1862 and features the portrait of the first Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton, the $2 bill that we all know and love bears TJ's visage and began circulation in 1869.

i've been met with a wide range of reactions upon spending my "tom's" (as coined by several numismatic enthusiasts). i've had cashiers refuse to accept them, i've had people offer to buy them from me, i've gotten TONS of doubting and suspicious looks, and most commonly i hear, "you sure you want to spend this?" of course i want to spend it. it's money! most people think that $2 bills are novelties or that their rarity makes them collectible. both ideas are false and it's this self-perpetuating cycle of nonsense that keeps poor "tom" relegated to souvenir boxes and not out there rubbing elbows with his other brethren of currency. the $2 bill, although not as popular as the other denominations, is still a viable and vital bill in our current currency structure. according to the U.S treasury, as of april 30, 2007 there were $1,549,052,714 worth of $2 bills in circulation worldwide. because people "save" them or "collect" them or keep one folded and tucked inside their wallet "for luck," a percentage of that 1.5 billion is laying dormant in an economy that could use any kick in the pants we can muster. the hoarding of $2 bills defies good common sense so i'm here to spread the message...the $2 is the new $1!

think about it...what costs a dollar anymore? small things that used to cost under a buck like snacks, drinks, a loaf of bread, a gallon of gas, a cup of coffee, or bus fare, now cost at least a dollar and change. this creates a twofold unwanted and unwieldy profusion. because $2 bills are rarely used, this causes the buildup of singles in every pocket, wallet, billfold, and purse around. because of inflation, the things we would have previously used a $1 bill to pay for now require us to use more of them. secondly, the coinage from the use of more $1's builds up in our pockets, on dresser tops, and vehicle cup-holders. the good news is that it can all be stopped. embrace the $2! the $2 is your friend!

aside from the wear and tear switching to deuces would save the seams of our pockets, it could also stand to be a step in a (forgive the pun) greener direction. it was pointed out in Economic Reviews by Suzanne J. Stone (Mar/Apr 1976 Vol. 62 No. 2) that by replacing about half the "ones" with an equivalent dollar volume of "twos", thus decreasing the number of bills in circulation, the Federal Government would save about $5 million (in 1976 dollars) in printing, handling, storage, and shipping costs. individuals would need to carry fewer $1's thereby facilitating small cash transactions and reducing the number of pieces of currency retailers and banks must handle. decreased handling, in turn, will help to lower business operating costs. not bad, eh?

businesses have also periodically employed the two as a clever advertising method and have shown by doing so that TJ's double-dollar can hold it's own in a Washington-centric world. other establishments, such as nightclubs and bars, have welcomed the $2, often giving them as change to their patrons. in turn, many of the $2's end up back in the bartender's or dancer's tip....um...."receptacle" to be recirculated once more. some people have reported that using the $2 to tip or pay for dances or drinks makes them more memorable to the servers and attracts better service throughout their consumer experience.

so no matter whether your motive is to bolster the economy, to show appreciation for our nation's numismatic heritage , to help your local exotic dancer pay their way through college, or just to lighten the load on your wallet, the next time you're at the bank, ask for a few $2's. most banks carry at least $100 worth of them and will give them to you if you ask.

the $2 is the new $1! embrace it. love it. live it.

~thorns

"found" wisdom

2008-03-08T21:37:00.000-08:00

when we need it most, wisdom, like a gift from the sooth-fairy (i just made that up. feel free to use it if you want), sometimes falls into our laps. when i was going through one of the most tumultuous times in my life and indecision was toppling my structures of security (and sanity!), my message found me. i went to work on a day when i thought i'd almost reached my breaking point and opened the paper during a lull to find the sooth-fairy's offering right in front of me.

it's so funny to think that we will open the paper and read our horoscope (or "horriblescope," as my grandmother says) every day and discount is as drivel 99% of the time but that ONE time when it fits perfectly, we swear it was put there just for us. this time was no different. i was in such dire need of a sign, the sooth-fairy delivered this one just to let me know she was out there listening...and so was i.

i did make the leap of faith as my mistress of astrological guidance advocated and, though it was frightening, i did move ahead. i was pushing my own boundaries and pushing myself to new and better places. i knew i'd done the right thing but was still needing reassurance. again, my fairy answered. what could be better than a chat with a friend over some good chinese food? good chinese food with an undeniable cosmic sign that "You are heading in the right direction!"

in addition to good sound advice, we all occasionally need a little ego-massage and sometimes it comes in small packages :-) i was lucky enough to find two pieces of wisdom on this particular day. aside from my self-esteem boost, i got some dieting advice as well (check the last line of that piggy passage).

the next time you look down and find the torn corner of a magazine underfoot and it bears what appears to be the encouragement or direction you were desperately seeking, don't discount it as a fluke...She may have put it there just for you. i call it "found wisdom" and it's everywhere. there's also found art, found poetry, found music, and who knows what else. whenever you need it, it's there. all you have to do is be on the lookout.

~thorns

one step forward and many steps back

2008-03-08T19:08:00.000-08:00

when you grow up in a small town in southern virginia, there are some things you're brought up knowing. some of those things are learned by rote, some through whatever schoolin' you're lucky (or unlucky, depending on perspective) enough to have, and some things you're bashed over the head with on an almost hourly basis. the most notable of these:

1. NASCAR rules
2. god knows all (he IS our lord and savior, after all)
3. you're not eating enough
4. i'll see you at church on sunday
5. peeing outside is ok
6. NASCAR rules
and, the nugget of wisdom that has spawned this post:
7. being gay is *utterly and unequivocally morally and ethically reprehensible
*for my fellow southern virginians, that means "real bad."*

for most of the people who still live in that tragic town and have been indoctrinated over the years with those wonderful kernels of knowledge, the boat never rocks, the view never changes, and that is the way it is. but for those of us who have dared to question the conventional teachings and have managed to escape what i like to call "Farmageddon," it's much different.

my yarn begins with my recent trip back to my home town. in town for two days to visit family, i met up with a high-school friend for a few drinks at a local chain restaurant (akin to a ruby tuesday's or some other such nonsense but with a liberal smattering of redneck panache). there's a guy with a guitar and synthetic drum machine in the corner playing a bad cover version of whatever song the drunk stool-sitters blurt out and the waitstaff looks like the front row of a 1988 willie nelson concert. the "one step forward..." portion of the tale came when two girls came in, sat down, ate, drank, sang, danced, and left arm in arm without so much as an awkward glance from the other good ol' patrons. it may seem like an insignificant occurrence but, to me, it was great to see. i'm glad the last 10 years has brought about at least a little tolerance to Farmageddon.

the "many steps back" portion of the post is much less innocuous. on february 12th, an openly gay 15 year old eighth grader was killed by a fellow classmate because he had asked that classmate to be his valentine. ellen degeneres spoke briefly but poignantly about it recently on her talk show and the short clip bears watching and listening.

the los angeles times reported the shooting as a "hate crime." it's pretty clear though, to me, that this tragedy is more an "ignorance crime." ellen adds a political urgency to her message but i think it can be much more simple. having come from an environment that sometimes fostered the same sort of "hatred" and scorn for anything other than good-christian-white-bread-red-blooded-american virtue, i know (and am supremely thankful) that sometimes all it takes is for the dissenters to challenge others to THINK for themselves.

it's strange to be all at once encouraged by tolerance in one place and terribly disheartened by such extreme ignorance and intolerance in another but to me it's a reminder that learning takes place in all spheres, in many ways, and that it's a process that should never stop. whatever part you play in the learning continuum, whether as a teacher, mentor, friend, student, or anything in between, don't take it for granted.

think for yourself!

~thorns

"in a pinch"

2008-02-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

From time to time, we are all faced with circumstances (sometimes beyond our control, sometimes our own doing) that necessitate choices, sometimes unsavory, to get us from where we are to where we want to be. When those situations present themselves, we are said to be "in a pinch." When things do suddenly go pear-shaped and we find ourselves under-prepared or unequipped, the proverbial sink-or-swim imperative is foisted squarely at our feet. We might not necessarily be chained to explosives with only a Pez dispenser and light bulb with which to fashion our salvation but situations do arise when we all have to channel our inner MacGuyver and use what's at hand to get the job done. I like to embrace those moments when you know you've passed "Rock" and you see that "Hard Place" is fast-approaching. I strive to look on them as an opportunity, a challenge - improvise, adapt, overcome.

So now we find ourselves in a new region, a new state, a new city, a new time zone, a new apartment, with new goals, expectations, responsibilities, and a brand new chance to live life our way. We've continued to foster our vegan and ever GREENer lifestyle and, without the comfort of knowing our way around or exactly what goods and services are readily procurable here, we have begun to find ourselves in "pinches" fairly regularly.

Our first pinch came almost immediately after we began our migration from the pretentious suburbs of DC to the unassuming Colorado hills. How does a former two-a-day Pumpkin Spice Latte glutton cope with hypnotic stretches of asphalt desolation? Although some locales are very supportive of the thrifty and road-weary vegan, we found that not many of them lie along route 70 West. Tired and red eyed we pondered our options in one highway oasis after another and settled on lots of water and anything crunchy to keep us upright and between the ditches. *Friend, you haven't lived until you've foraged the aisles at the Flying J truck stop in Salina, Kansas at 2 a.m. for a vegan-friendly snack.* Needless to say, we safely made our pilgrimage not much the worse for wear and learned that, for our less-remote stay awake needs, Starbucks does offer several viable beverages for the compassionate. Yay for soy milk!

My most recent instance of improvisation and adaptation in a pinch, as many of ours now are, was of a culinary nature. Having set my gaze upon a fridge full of fruits and vegetables left over from last week's grocery shopping and our pantry meagerly stocked with vegan staples, I was pressed to find the makings for a salad to precede last night's dinner. In an Iron Chef-ish flurry, I culled from hither and yon to produce the following:

10-12 brussels sprouts (nearly chiffonade)
1/4 gala apple (julienne)
1/4 small onion (sliced paper thin)
a dash of sea salt
an allegation of cayenne
2 tsp toasted sesame oil

introduce all to a rocket-hot saute pan and toss for about 30 seconds. remove to plate, sprinkle with sesame seeds if you're fortunate.

the subtle sweet nuttiness of the brussels sprouts provided a convincing liaison between the sesame and the apple while the onion and cayenne unobtrusively lent just the right amount of yang to the balance. "....'twil serve."

With that, I conclude my inaugural post and offer in closing that there will always be chances to improvise and adapt to overcome whatever rigors in our lives leave us unprepared, lacking, unequipped, or feeling like we have little recourse. I hope that this blog will help fill ("in a pinch") your need to read, laugh, learn, and perhaps escape YOUR rigors as much as it will help me with mine.

~thorns