Saturday, July 19, 2008

to my out, proud, grammatically challenged friend

i'm not quite a social butterfly so i've only made a few friends here in colorado. an even fewer number of them have risen to a level which ranks having their number stored in my phone. this is only important because i recently got a text message from a number that was NOT in my familiar contact list and that i've never seen before. the message seemed heartfelt and was of such interest that i thought you all should know exactly what my anonymous text-friend shared with me:

"your important to me, so i wanted you to be the first to know. i'm a lesbian, always have been."

and with mystery texter vanished like a feathered dandelion frond in the wind. i'm honored that my clandestine friend thinks so highly of me and would confide such a deeply personal revelation...via text.

thank you, mystery friend. thank you.


Thursday, July 17, 2008

frosty thought

"One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."


Sunday, July 13, 2008

what to do, what to do

i have a dillema and i'm hoping y'all can help me decide what to do. this past week, we went to a local farmers market in search of some locally produced fruits and vegetables. tangent --> as i'll explain in a future post (unplug yourself: part two), it's important to buy locally. buying locally supports the small farmer, contributes to the regional economy, and cuts down on the amount of fossil fuels consumed during the production/transportation of whatever it is you purchase. digressing...anyway....

i was desperately searching for local peaches and found them at only one of the few dozen booths that crowded the weekly market in woodland park, co. as i stood in line waiting my turn, i heard the proprietor (which i use very loosely here) haggling with a gentleman in front of me. the man asked the vendor very politely how many apricots constitute a "basket" and then asked the price. the man was in his 80's, dressed in a plaid button-down shirt, flat-brimmed cap, and navy blue work pants, and he gave the impression that he perhaps once grew his own produce but has now been reduced to scouring local markets for his 'taters-n-greens.

the vendor, a teenage female clad in a sloppy t-shirt with her slick hair pulled back into an angry knot on the back of her head, told him how many peaches he'd be getting for 5 dollars. the man asked if she'd be willing to take 3 dollars since the apricots were small and the girl indignantly told him that they had the only local apricots at the market so she COULD charge whatever she wanted and that he was lucky it was only 5 dollars. the man was clearly taken aback and stood silent for a moment while the teen moved down the line to insult other customers. another buyer came to his aid and bargained for $3.50, the girl countered with $4.00 after making some other smart-ass comment, and the deal was made.

i was shocked at the disrespect and decided that i didn't need peaches enough to patronize that irreverent bitch so we left with the fresh tomatoes and onions we'd gotten from another booth and moseyed on down the road. several days later, at a weekly market in old colorado city, we again went in search of peaches. i scanned the booths and finally saw a "Colorado Peaches!" sign and got in line for my first fresh peaches of the year. i'd stood there for several seconds and then realized that the vendor was the same girl from woodland park. i begrudgingly bought my peaches and, though they are decent peaches, i feel a tinge of burning hatred every time i eat one.

the dilemma:
do i continue to give money to people who are obviously missing the spirit of local markethood in my quest to do the green thing (and satisfy my need for peaches) or do i stand up for courtesy, compassion, and just-plain-decency and spend my peach allowance at a chain store for produce that more than likely is not locally raised?

missing my grandpa's peaches,

Monday, July 7, 2008

am i missing something here?

wtf? i don't get it. help me understand.

the directions in the picture are a little blurry so i'll help you out:

1. pour instant beans into serving bowl
2. add boiling water and stir briefly (see Instant Bean/Water Ratio chart below)
3. Cover 5 minutes, stir and serve.

i would like to point out that the above steps for the preparation of the instant refried beans forgot to mention sub-steps:

2(a). boil water
2(b). read a chart and,
2(c). apply rational mathematical equations

2(b) and (c), incidentally, are both deal-breakers for me...i just don't need instant powdered refried beans that badly.
man...if only someone could come up with a product that's more "instant" than those "instant" refried beans...eureka!...ah yes...that's more like it. here are the instructions for this product:
1. open can.

archimedes would be proud.