Sunday, January 18, 2009

making new friends: a tutorial anecdote

the set-up
most dog-training texts will tell you that just before you leave a dog by itself, you should give it some kind of command. this command (stay, sit, lay down, etc.) allegedly puts the dog in an obedient frame of mind and discourages self-indulgent destructive behavior. as the experts recommend, upon parting, i try to leave my pups with a command in hopes that our stuff wont be destroyed while when i return. i use this technique in the car as well. when i'm running errands and the mutts are tagging along, i tell them to "stay" in the car just before i shut the door and walk away. i also usually glance back at the dogs as i'm walking away and put my hand up in a mime-like fashion as if i'm visually reaffirming the "stay" command. *this becomes important in a second*

the story
one day recently i went to a used bookstore not far from home and took the dogs along with me. as i've just explained, i commanded the dogs to "stay" and walked toward the door of the store. i mounted the step just in front of the bookstore's entryway and reached for the door handle. as i was reaching for the door, i turned my head momentarily back toward the dogs to issue the customary final silent command.

the clincher
unbeknownst to me, an older lady was coming out of the bookstore at the very same moment and by some serendipitous combination of the height of my reaching hand, her slight stature, and our mutual preoccupations, my outstretched appendage found not the cold aluminum of the door handle but landed squarely in the center of her....cleavage. it was not a glancing blow or anything that could have been ignored at all. in fact, i doubt i could have done better if i'd bought her dinner beforehand. we exchanged wordless blushing horrified half-smiles and both promptly put our heads down and continued on our respective ways never to mention it again...unless you have a blog.

so to all you socially inept folks out there who have been looking for a good way to meet new people, try the ol' reach-for-the-door-handle-and-look-the-other-way technique. works every time.




T said...

OMG. I'm laughing my ass off.

Rob said...

Oh, VERY smooth. The old reaffirming-the-"stay"-command strategy, eh? I'll have to try that sometime. Of course, I'll have to get a dog first. Hm.